Priority Use

I don't want to be a bad friend, but sometimes I think I am. Not really a bad friend, but not necessarily a good friend. The past week has been testing me on how I perceive myself--well, I'm always being tested on that, I think--in terms of my friendships. Someone who is really important to me commented that I didn't have time for people anymore. That really hurt. I think that it hurt, though, because I thought that it hurt this person that I wasn't "there." I try and be emotionally "there" for people, but I don't think I always am. It's hard to pause in life and see that I am not who I want to be, or not who I thought I was. This is also a lesson in taking care of myself, though. I do think that it's important to learn how to take care of oneself, before one can take care of others, but it's often hard for me to see it that way.

Today I found out something about another important person to me that this person hasn't told me, and that was disheartening, as well. I don't know if it's because they don't want to tell me--which I'm okay with. I don't want people to feel like they have to tell me anything, but I would want them to be excited to tell me things!
Then, later, my reaction to something else that someone told me worried that person. Man, 3 strikes, and I am out.

Since I know the (2) people who read this blog and it's hardly anonymous, I just want to say that I'm sorry if I'm a bad friend. You are all really important to me! I'm sorry if I don't say that or show that enough.

Okay, this is getting quite deep and continues to be very poorly written. That must mean it's time for bed.