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My independence has always been something of great value to me. Although I appreciate the value of other people and enjoy the company of friendship, on an emotional and physical level, it has always been important for me to be able to take care of myself. I think that sometimes my lack of trust in other people and my stubbornness in thinking that no can take care of me better than I can has made me miss out on a lot of little things, ultimately, I don't think that there is any substitute for being able to do it on my own.

From carrying a box up two flights of stairs, to feeling sad, I don't want to have to rely on other people to help me out. Sometimes, I think I get too carried away. Not willing to ask for help, not willing to give other people the chance to take care of me. I guess, ultimately, everyone likes to be needed, and perhaps one of my biggest faults in relationships is not being in need. Of course, this doesn't mean that I've done a fair share of calling people in tears (my dad especially) or asking for favors when I feel the need, but, for the most part, I don't think I give people the chance to give to me, as much as I like to give to them.

This came up the other night, actually. I think that learning how to take, is just as important at being able to give. And, I don't always take as well as I think I should.

So, the point of all of this, is that I have recently come to the realization that 1 I don't know as much as I think I do and 2 I'm tired of doing things on my own.

I have been wanting to put up a mirror for a while now. It has been sitting on my floor for that long, though, because I didn't think I could do it by myself. When I was all set to put it up a couple of weeks ago, a friend mentioned to me how I should do it. I didn't really like how she thought I should do it, but I didn't have the strength to tell her no. So, instead of just doing it my way, the damn mirror has been sitting on my floor waiting to be fixed so that it could be done to her specifications. So, I realize this is absolutely ridiculous and that she didn't mean that I had to do it how she thought it should be done, but at the same time, I felt slightly obligated to do it her way in case she was right and I was, GULP, wrong. Anyway, finally last night I decided to do it my way, but I also decided that I needed help. Although I would like to pretend that I could do it myself--that I didn't need anyone else's help--I did.

And, you know what? My friend helped me. This all sounds good, right? But, I felt terrible. Why couldn't I do it myself? To top it off, I was wearing a skirt and I couldn't even bend down to help. Now, I was smart enough to realize what I was becoming. But, no matter how fast that skirt came off and jeans went on, it was a terrible moment of realization. I was turning into that girl.

Okay, now this once-coherent, single-tracked post has now shattered into 1000 little fragments of my mind. And, I will leave it at that.