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I'm pretty sure that I believe in some sort of fate. Maybe fate, as a word, is too loaded. Serendipity? But, then, if fate is too loaded, serendipity is not loaded enough. What I mean to say, is that I often feel as though I'm some where, some time for a reason. To see something. To see someone. To hear something I've been needing to hear.

We went to Oprah the other day. Like, we actually went to Oprah. Everyone wanted a new car, or at the very least, a Louis Vuitton bag. Or, Brad Pitt. We wanted Brad Pitt (well, not Brad Pitt specifically, but someone cute and famous). Instead, the show was about women who hate themselves. It was really depressing. But, I think it was almost fated. I mean, I don't hate myself, really. But, I could definitely relate to some of the things that those women said. Especially this mom who smokes a lot. It just all hit home. And, it made me think. And, I couldn't explain it, or share how it made me feel with anyone. It was just for me.

Then, on Friday, I went to this conference and happened upon a women with whom I used to work. It's this organization that I didn't keep in touch with, but should have. And she told me to send my resume.

And, today, I didn't want to babysit, but I did. And, it wasn't even my weekend, but I had switched somewhere down the line, so it became my weekend. This mom's sister was there and she asked me what I was doing when I graduated and I told her PC. And, she said all of these amazing things that made me feel so okay about it all. It wasn't even that she said that much. It all only amounted to about 3 sentences. But it was really loaded.

This evening I was riding home from CVS and saw Juan (I only say his name because no one knows him and I can't remember what weird code name I gave him before). I never see him just walking. But, he was just walking. And, we talked. It wasn't good. It was actually bad. But, it all needed to be said.

So, I don't know if this is all meaningless. It might be that if you connect the dots you'll make a picture nonetheless. Even if a picture doesn't really belong. But, then, does it really matter? What's the big deal if the picture is purely a manifestation of arbitrarily connected dots? Thinking that things work out for a reason gives me inspiration to keep on trudging. It's not that I think there's this ultimate driving fate and the plan cannot be changed. I believe in self-realization and self-determination and all of that. But, I also believe that it isn't always exactly as black and white as it seems. I believe in something bigger than me. Even if, ultimately, it is just me. But, I believe that there is some side of sub-conscious me that knows more than I do. Perhaps this is getting too convoluted. Perhaps I am tired. Perhaps I've had a really strange weekend (too say the least). Whatever it is, telling myself stories makes it all seem to be okay.