Priority Use

I miss physical intimacy. Touching. Feeling somebody else´s skin and having mine felt by someone else. The one night encounters are fine and well, for sure and I'm even really starting to crave (in a purely rational sort of way) the surprise hugs that my little six year old brother and four year old cousin come running in to give me. But it's just not the same as being with someone I know--whose body I know and want in an intimate way. It's interesting--and yes, I have given this a lot of thought given some recent events and revelations--how most girls, I would venture to say, fall in love with the emotional side of relationships. I concur, that yes, I too, am an emotional creature. At the same time, it's emotional strength that I already have. I don't generally need anyone to assure me of my capabilities or fullness. Physical needs, though, one just can't satisfy on one's own in the same way that somebody else can. The pat of a back, rub of an arm, hold of a hand just feel so much better when done by someone else. I recently read in a magazine article written about supermax prisons that prisoners go mentally insane in as little as 48 hours being in a dark cell alone with gloves on their hands--keeping them from being able to even feel their own skin. I found this interesting and extremely enlightening. So I don't know...thoughts for the day, perhaps.

It's been a long time since I've written. I always think about writing, but writing just is no longer as accessible as it used to be and I lose my thoughts too quickly to ever really get them down. I have, though, been thinking a lot about judgements and just making decisions before you ever really have a chance to be tested and how it´s just not always so simple as it seems. There are plenty of things that I've always said I'd never do and slowly but surely many of them are being crossed off the list without much thought. It just gets me thinking that maybe it's not so good to say what you would or would not EVER do because no one really ever knows. Situations all turn out to be different and how can we really know how we may or may not feel down the road. I sort of thought that I was over saying that I would never do things as of a few years ago thanks to several happenings, but I guess I wasn't over it, because now it's just happened again. On that same note, now I'm finding it hard to decide if I should think "no regrets" no matter what. No matter who I might hurt--be it myself or someone else. It's also becoming easier to give in and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad. Perhaps that's the point. It's never inherently "good" or "bad" it's what the people decide that makes it what it is. Philosophically, I'm not sure that it matters. We live in a society, so to some extent there have to be defined good and bad. Perhaps it just might be important to really analyze what I've already decided to judge.