Priority Use

There is so much about being here that makes me into something that I am not--or at least something that I have never before been. I pretend to tell myself that I am just myself, good ol' me. But that just can't be true. I mean, I guess that goes along with how we're always ourselves--I mean, seriously, how could you be someone else. It's just that different people bring our different sides of who we are. And here, most people bring out a me that is distinctly me but a me that I have never known, nonetheless.

Anyway, I often feel as though the me here is a side of me that I have never experienced getting to know. I write in all sincerity, now. Don't interpret this as any sort of conceit (or lack of).

I have always been one of those "nice" people. The sort of nice person that people enjoy getting to know because, well, I'm nice. But people don't usually get to know me because I'm particularly attractive. Here, in, where I am, the tables have definitely turned. Being as I am the new girl everyone wants to get to know me and all of the men salivate whenever I walk in the door. Clearly, I realize that this is only a figment of: their boredom with small town living, their pushy wives/girlfriends, their horniness, and my newness. And has very little to do with me being a supermodel.

On Sunday, I was walking home and ran into a creepy man who I generally try to avoid. I kept walking until he said something to me, so I turned around to hear him out. "I really like you," he stated. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?" I asked, annoyed. "Well, and I wanted to know if you wanted to get some lunch together next time you're going to town." "Uh, I don't think so." "Oh, okay," he took it, like a man "well, so What's your name?" I resisted the temptation to make one up. Okay, people. If you don't know my name, don't ask me out. He doesn't know if I'm nice. He just thinks I'm hot and for that wants to have lunch with me. Gag me with a spoon.

So, yes. It's strange. Sometimes I really like it. Other times (re: creepy man vs me conversation) I want to hide in a hole. I always thought I would maybe like to experience being attractive. Sometimes, though, it's really annoying. I am constantly skeptical of anyone's interest in me--wondering if it's because they really think that I am interesting or if it is because I have a latin butt and am their ticket to a nice mcmansion in the US of A.

Ultimately, though, I don't really care. I'm taking what I can and enjoying something I'll probably never enjoy again. And, admittedly, milking it for all it's got. It is weird though. And, I have come to the conclusion that I would actually rather be nice than attractive any day. Not that I am not enjoying this novel make believe very, very much.